Peace with the past
by Lady Kiddymonster
Summary: An AU story that imagines Edith & Anthony are married. When she asks him about his first marriage it takes him on a mental and physical journey into his past but can Edith help him come to terms with the pain that resurfaces? How will they react to happier news regarding Anthony's injury
1. Chapter 1 Edith makes a discovery

**Peace with the past**

**A short AU story that imagines Edith & Anthony are married. When she asks him about his first marriage it takes him on a mental and physical journey into his past but can Edith help him come to terms with the pain?**

Lady Edith Strallan nestled close to her new husband and he put his good arm around her. They had just returned from honeymooning in Europe; an idyllic couple of months where they had been to concerts, seen beautiful paintings and monuments, as well as sampling European cuisine and each other. They had spent their wedding night at Locksley and left the following day. Their lovemaking had been tentative at first owing to Edith's inexperience and the fact that she had had to learn to remove his sling and undress him but she was getting pretty good at this now and they were becoming much more adventurous in bed.

"So did you enjoy yourself my darling?" he murmured into her coppery hair as he nuzzled the hollow of her creamy neck.

She put her arms around him and kissed him.

"It was so beautiful, Anthony and the best part was being able to spend some quality time alone with you at last."

"Yes it was," he held her fast with his good arm as they shared a deep tender kiss which set them both aquiver.

He had surprised her totally by announcing on their arrival in Paris that they would be taking the _Orient Express_ to Venice; tears had filled her eyes as she had hugged him tightly. No one else in her family had ever travelled on the legendary train and it made her feel kind of superior for a change which she was rather enjoying. The trip had been littered with romantic gestures; flowers had been waiting in all the hotel rooms as well as little gifts of chocolates and candles.

"Anthony, all this chocolate and pasta will make me fat," she had teased.

"Well it's a race to see if I can make you fat first, Lady Strallan,"

His crooked smile melted her heart; he loved her so much and now he had her beside him he could not be happier. He really hoped that Edith would be able to fulfil his thwarted dream of fatherhood; with the passing of time he had become continually worried because his title and family name would die with him unless Edith could give him an heir but trying to beget an heir was certainly rather fun.

He was certain that Maud would have loved Edith and they would have got along well but somehow he never felt it appropriate to mention Maud, especially not on their honeymoon. He had never really spoken about her to Edith except during that drive before the war when she had asked him outright what Maud had been like. Edith had been a young girl then and so her question had seemed like curiosity but he wondered if now she would feel jealous or resentful so he did not mention her. Edith did not even know when Anthony and Maud's wedding anniversary had been or the date when Maud and the baby had died. Anthony supposed Edith must wonder though.

OO

Three days after their return from honeymoon Anthony was out with the estate manager. Edith was in the study they shared. She had just written a letter to her Aunt Rosamund in London but found she did not have any stamps. So she looked in Anthony's desk, knowing he would not mind, and in a drawer she found a faded framed black and white photo of her husband with a dark haired fragile looking woman whom she assumed was Maud. She felt saddened that Anthony felt he had to hide away his late wife's photo. She had never been jealous of Maud at all because she had always been glad that someone had loved Anthony before she had. The back of the frame was slightly damaged and Edith noticed a piece of paper there which she drew out; her curiosity getting the better of her

It was a journal entry and definitely in a woman's handwriting.

_25 March 1900_

_I can hardly conceal my pain and grief; I feel so guilty for having lost my husband's child. Thankfully I am alright and Doctor Clarkson seems sure we will be able to try again but I am not sure. Anthony has barely stopped crying and holding me but I have persuaded him to go and get some fresh air. I hate to see the pain in those beautiful blue eyes and to think I am the cause. He says he does not blame me but this is the second time this has happened to us. My heart is breaking because all I want is to be able to put a baby in his arms. I just know he would be a wonderful father just as he is a wonderful husband and a wonderful man. I love him so very much and I was so lucky to marry him being the plain girl I am when he is so handsome and lots of women were showing an interest when we met; women far more accomplished beautiful and older than me._

Edith bit her lip; doubting that the same women would have been flocking now for they probably would have been far too shallow. It struck her that Maud had been as socially awkward as her husband and Edith felt for her deeply. This was the first real insight she had ever discovered into the character and feelings of the woman who had been lady Strallan before her.

She slipped the entry and photo away, feeling suddenly guilty at what she had found that he had chosen to keep private. But she wondered anew if she dared to ask him about her discovery; surely at least she could persuade him that he had no need to conceal Maud's photograph. She wondered if Maud had ever discussed the feelings she had described with Anthony or if she had shut him out but told herself it was none of her business. Maud was dead and could no longer speak for herself.

But if there had ever been any doubt that Maud had loved Anthony as much as she, Edith, did then she doubted no more as she blinked back the tears that were burning her brown eyes.

OO

Anthony noticed that his wife was rather quiet at dinner and afterwards when they were relaxing in the library. He hoped that she was not ill; perhaps it was an anti climax returning from a lovely romantic holiday and perhaps she was worried about adjusting to her new role as mistress of Locksley.

He put his arm around her and drew her close to him.

"Edith darling, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she said although he noticed she did not look at him directly.

He kissed her and felt her tremble in his arms. He suddenly became aware that she was crying.

"Edith my love; please tell me what is wrong. If I have upset you then I am deeply sorry."

"Anthony darling," she did look at him then through tear filled eyes, "I just want you to know that I really have no problem if you want to have any pictures of Maud on display. She loved you before I knew you and I know you loved her. You would not hurt my feelings at all because I can't be jealous or resentful of a dead wife and I am glad someone other than me has had the privilege of loving such a wonderful man as you are,"

Anthony held her close.

"It's alright Edith darling," he whispered mussing her hair with his lips, "I think it is time I really talked about my past; not just my marriage but what really happened to me during the war. I know that you love me enough to hear the less than pleasant parts without judging me and I really want a new start in life with you who have given me back my life."

"Anthony my darling; I have absolutely no right to judge you. Please take your timer sand tell me everything."


	2. Chapter 2 Preparing the way

**Chapter 2**

**A/N: I forgot to say; this story imagines our favourite couple married on the day now known as 3.3 and that Sybil did not die either. Also remember that DA has not given us any clues as to how and where Anthony & Maud met so I have invented it.**

"I have to ask my darling," Anthony held her close as he rubbed her back gently with the fingers of his good hand, "What made you think about all this?"

"While you were out earlier I wrote a letter but found I didn't have any stamps so I decided you would not mind if I looked in your desk. I found a framed photo and something else. The page from a journal where she writes about having lost your baby," she looked into his eyes, "I am sorry Anthony; I should not have done that without asking. Please don't be angry with me."

"Edith my darling; everything I have and all I am are yours. I had forgotten all about the things you just mentioned and I'm not angry; in fact you have done me a favour my darling because it is high time I dealt with the pain of my past. But I was not entirely sure how to broach the subject; it did not seem right to mention it with us just being married and back from our honeymoon,"

"I still feel bad about reading something so private."

"I read her journal constantly after she died; it gave me comfort to realise just how much I had meant to her but it was also torture as it reminded me what I had lost. I soon realised all the tears in the world would not bring her or my son back so I put a lid on my feelings and threw away the key. I really did love her, Edith, but you are my wife now and I love you with an intensity that only comes with age. I feel sad because she had the best of me since I had two good arms when she was alive and you only have the broken version."

"Anthony darling; I love you _because_ of your injury and your lack of confidence so I really want to help you come to terms with it. Remember you are talking to a woman who has been sidelined by her family most of her life and you mean everything to me."

"Parts of the story are far from pretty, my love," he kissed her, "especially the war part but I know that you have an inner strength and capacity for understanding that eludes most women I know."

Edith held him close to her.

"Anthony, I want you to know you can tell me the story in your own time with no pressure because I am well aware it will be very painful for you but I really believe that talking about it will bring you some peace. I will listen without judging and comfort you as needed."

"Do you remember that afternoon before the war; the first time I took you for a drive?"

"Yes I do."

"I remember I made some comment about something Maud had said about the Kaiser and you came up with that wonderful poet in need of an empire comment. I then thought that talking about my late wife didn't seem right and you might not like it but you asked me what she had been like and that was the first time I had really talked since. You forever endeared yourself to me that day because I detected genuine interest and not a shred of jealousy or malice. I don't mind if you ask any of the servants about her; if they clam up then tell them I have said it is alright. My valet did not know her though. I had a different one back then; my present one was hired because he had some experience of handling injuries like mine."

"She was your wife, Anthony; I am interested in your view of her."

Edith got up and went over to the table where she poured her husband a measure of brandy and pressed the glass tumbler into his good hand.

He smiled at her although she could see pain behind that and in those lovely blue eyes.

"You always seem to know what I need without asking, do you realise that?" he said softly,

"I think I know you quite well enough," she replied. _Except there are parts of your life I know nothing about, _she thought.

She sat back down and let him draw her close to his warm body. She pressed close to him, holding him tightly. She inhaled his masculine scent of sweat, shaving soap and cologne which both intoxicated and comforted her.

For a while neither of them spoke; Edith sensed he was collecting his thoughts and sorting them into some semblance of order within his mind as his expression was grave. He held her hand tightly.

"No pressure," she whispered as she lifted his hand to her mouth and kissed it.

"I love you, darling Lady Strallan," he whispered in her ear making her tremble at the sensation of his warm breath.

"I love you too, my darling beloved Sir Anthony," she whispered.

He sighed deeply; he was content to have her close to him and knowing that she wanted to hear all about her predecessor and the pain her death had caused him gave him courage for the long painful journey he was about to take but, unlike the experience itself, he would have company this time. His Edith was so loving, so tender and so understanding he knew that, in marrying her, he had struck pure gold. He had been twice lucky with loving wives whereas some men never even found one.

"I need you Edith," he whispered, "right now I need you more than I have ever needed anyone,"

"I need you too," she said gently stroking his injured hand.

"Well In customary fashion I suppose I should start at the beginning," he said, "I should tell you how Maud & I first met."

She kissed him.

"Take your time my love and anytime it gets too much and you want to stop then do so because I will understand."


	3. Chapter 3 The anatomy of a marriage

**Chapter 3**

Edith pressed close to her husband and rested her head on his shoulder as his good arm tightened around her slender body. She knew that it would be far from easy for him to talk about such things so she loved and respected him all the more for the emotional honesty and courage he was preparing to show. She resolved to be there for comfort as and when he needed it.

She felt his hand tighten around hers and she sighed deeply.

"That journal entry you found, do you remember when it was dated?" he asked.

"March nineteen hundred and it said it was her second miscarriage."

"She had one more before she managed to carry to full term the child whose birth killed them both," he said sadly, "Edith darling; I really want to give you a baby but I am so afraid for I could not bear to lose you."

"I'm not ready to be lost, Anthony my love," she said gently, lifting her head to look deep into his eyes.

He kissed her tenderly.

"First of all, my darling, you need to know about the early years."

Edith nestled close to him.

"Maud and I met at a friend of mine's wedding; I was in my late twenties then and she was thirty. It was a warm day in the late summer of eighteen ninety-six. She did not generally stand out in the crowd although she was striking; neither plain nor beautiful. She was also rather shy, like me. She wore a lilac cotton dress and a straw hat and in truth I don't think she really wanted to be there. But I asked her to dance and pretty soon she was in my arms. She was a wonderful dancer and back then of course I had the use of both arms so I could dance properly. By the end of that evening I was in love. She had a terrific sense of humour and she was also interested in current affairs and literature although unlike you she was not keen on poetry. By the time I left I had extracted a promise from her to see me again,"

Edith really wished that Anthony had been able to dance with her properly at their wedding but this was no time to feel jealous.

"Maud's mother had shunned her father after catching him in bed with a visiting lady's maid and from that she learnt that the physical side of marriage was something that could cause pain; especially when one of the married parties took their pleasure elsewhere. She soon realised that adultery was not in my nature and the thought would never have crossed my mind simply because I deeply and genuinely loved her. She was not exactly adventurous in that area and it was always me who had to initiate although I always respected her decision if she really did not wish to."

Edith wondered how on earth a woman could be married to a heart stopping gorgeous man like Anthony and not want to spend every spare moment making love with and to him but she kept these thoughts to herself.

It was almost as though he read her thoughts because he said, "But believe me, when she was in the right mood she could be very sensual and loving. But she was not like you my love; you are the best lover I could ever wish for and the most sensual and you are always willing. I often wonder if she would have been different had she had to deal with the injury and having to undress me to prevent a valet spoiling our moments of intimacy,"

"I can't help feeling so incredibly wanton at times owing to the fact that you are the most handsome man in Yorkshire if not the country,"

"Thank you," he smiled at her and her heart melted, "We were happy though; we spent long hours walking, reading and talking together. She could be secretive at times and liked her own space so she slept in her own room a lot more than you ever have; especially during her monthly visit. We sometimes argued about this although I made it clear that I would never force myself on her. We had married in the summer of eighteen ninety-seven; my father, Sir Jonathan, had not long died and I was adjusting to my new responsibilities as Master of Locksley and I was glad to be able to take my bride there so we could adjust together to our new status as a married couple and to being master and mistress. She was a wonderful social hostess and her dinner parties were the talk of the county for a while although only for good reasons you understand. I was happy and so was she,"

Anthony sighed and Edith poured him another drink; they had given the butler the evening off so they could be undisturbed. The way he spoke of Maud left Edith in no doubt as to how much he had loved her,

"Did my parents ever come to any of your parties?" Edith asked

"One or two and your grandmother came to a couple too although they and Maud were not special friends."

Anthony took a sip of the whisky she had given him. Edith drank wine because she did not like strong spirits.

"In spring nineteen ninety- eight we discovered Maud was pregnant and I was so incredibly happy. Sadly just a week later she complained of acute stomach pains and began bleeding. Dr Clarkson confirmed that she had miscarried but examined her and said he did not think there would be a problem conceiving again."

Edith noticed that Anthony was blinking away tears and she cuddled him close.

"You can stop if you want, my love."

He shook his head.

"No, it is helping to talk, my love; I should have done so long ago."

Edith held him tightly, stroking his back. He took a few deep breaths before he continued.

"After the first miscarriage we were both very tearful. But it brought us closer together. I think she blamed herself and thought I blamed her but I didn't and never would have done. We went to Ripon cathedral, where we had married, and lit candles despite neither of us being especially god-fearing. For a few nights afterwards she was too weak and tired to move from her room so I slept in a chair beside her bed because I did not want her to be alone. I had vowed I would look after her. But then she started coming to my bed; not for sex but just to be held and comforted. We spent many long nights just holding each other; nights where we grieved for the child together and comforted each other as best we could."

Edith's brown eyes were fast filling with tears which Anthony noticed and comforted her. She sobbed into his chest and he stroked her back and mussed her coppery hair with his lips.

"You're moved aren't you, my beloved?" he whispered. Edith nodded wordlessly; his description of how they had comforted each other had touched her on a very deep level. She had no doubt that he would do the same for her should such a tragedy ever befall them.

"I can sense how you loved her,"

They shared a tender passionate kiss. Anthony looked at the clock. It was getting on for two o'clock in the morning. Blinking tears from his own eyes he whispered, "I think we should get some sleep, Lady Strallan; tomorrow I will tell you the rest of the story including, if I can find the emotional strength for it, about the night she and my heir died."

Edith got up and released him.

"I have one thing to do before we retire for the night." he said.

Edith watched him walk over to the bureau and unlock a drawer. He took out a flat object which he showed to her. It was a black and white wedding photograph of Anthony with the same dark haired woman Edith had seen in the photograph upstairs.

He placed the photo on the bookshelf along some of their favourite volumes. Edith kissed him.

"She will give you the strength to tell her story since she is unable to," Edith soothed. Anthony looked at his first wedding photograph for some time and she waited in silence respecting his memories.

Edith was suddenly aware that her husband's body was tensed rigid with convulsive sobbing so she took him in her arms and allowed him to cry on her shoulder.

"It's alright my love," she whispered, "you need to let it go; you need to set her free."


	4. Chapter 4 Sharing grief

**Chapter 4**

**A/N: As I said before motherhood is not in my life's agenda as the very idea of pregnancy revolts me. I hope however that I am showing some degree of sensitivity to readers who may have miscarried. I hope to do no less considering I am placing the narrative in the hands of the gentle sensitive loving widower of the woman in question.**

The sunlight penetrated the curtains and Edith lay awake with Anthony's good arm around her.

She had been deeply moved by Anthony's compassion towards his late wife but more than anything she had felt close to him; especially when he had got the photograph out and then sobbed in her arms. Edith had seen men cry before, back in the days when Downton had been a military hospital a lot of the soldiers had cried for lost friends and comrades- in-arms but a lot of the time they had cried when they thought no one else was there. But none of them had been Edith's beloved husband and she wished she had been there to comfort him when he had first returned home with his injury.

After Anthony had composed himself Edith had taken him gently by the hand and led him upstairs where she had undressed him with even more fondness than usual. He had been emotionally drained so had fallen asleep quickly with her arms around his strong warm body. She had lain awake for a while thinking about what he had told her and then drifted off.

Anthony opened his eyes and immediately reached for her. She had kissed him gently.

"My darling Lady Strallan," he said, "I pray to god that what happened to Maud never befalls you; I could not bear for you to be so pained,"

"Thank you," she whispered, "I really do love you and more than anything I want to bear you a child. I want a little boy with enormous blue eyes and blonde hair just like his father."

"You are such a comfort to me, darling Edith. If only you had been here waiting for me when I first came home I think that the terrors would have been scared away by the light of your smile."

"That's a beautiful thing to say," she gasped.

"I have some more estate business to deal with today," he said, "but this evening I will carry on with the story."

"Alright my darling," she whispered as she nuzzled his chest with her coppery hair. He laughed.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"You're tickling me," he replied.

OO

Edith went for a drive that afternoon while Anthony was busy. She returned at the same time and they dressed for dinner although they had no guests. Edith was ready quicker because Anthony needed his valet's help. She stood in the library looking at Anthony's two wedding photographs.

"He loved her very much," said a voice behind her. Edith turned to see the faithful old butler, "if you don't mind my saying so you have done him the world of good, my lady."

"He's done me good too," she smiled, "and you have no cause to worry because I will love and care for your master until my dying breath because he is everything to me."

"He never talks about her, you know; the late mistress I mean,"

"He is beginning to," Edith told him, "He told me a lot last night and I comforted him."

"I knew you would be the one to help him break free from the cycle of despair and misery that has blighted us since her death. We were all deeply fond of our late mistress and when he brought you home as his bride we dared to hope."

"I will do everything I can to help him," Edith promised, "And you may refer to her as Lady Strallan because she held that title before I was even born."

OO

Dinner was a quiet sombre affair.

Afterwards Edith walked into the library. She had asked the butler to provide some snacks and drinks and asked him not to disturb them because the master needed to talk.

Edith slipped her arm around her husband's waist. In the soft light she noticed that there were grey hairs among the blonde but it made him look nobler and more distinguished than ever. Her fingers lightly caressed the small of his back.

He was looking at Maud's and his wedding photo with tears in his blue eyes. Edith was silent; not wishing to derail his train of thought. He suddenly snapped out of his reverie and poured himself a drink as well as some wine for her and he lightly pressed the fragile stem of the wine glass into her hand.

They sat down and he instinctively drew her to him as they kissed tenderly.

Edith held his hand.

"For a few months after the first miscarriage she shared my bed and we comforted one another as I told you last night. We refrained from making love for I was anxious that her body have time to heal as well as her mind. One night in the winter of eighteen ninety-nine she surprised me by waking me and whispering that she felt ready to try again. Tears filled both our eyes as she implored me to make love to her; needless to say I obliged."

Edith pressed close, knowing that he was far away in his own past.

"In March of the following year she miscarried again and you already know how she felt about it because of what you read. I was desolate; I had hoped that the turn of the century would herald an heir. I did not function for two whole days and all I could do was cry. I knew she blamed herself and that hurt more than anything because she was not to blame. She had not been careless or acted in any way that could possibly have endangered an unborn child. Once again she shared my bed and we comforted each other. As time passed she grew stronger physically and emotionally and she allowed me to make love to her more often. She had this way of looking at me out of her green eyes that always melted and aroused me," he held Edith tightly, "I apologise my darling, I should not have been so insensitive talking about the physical side of my marriage to another woman. What on earth must you think of me? I am so sorry,"

Edith held him close as she nuzzled his neck and shoulder with heartfelt affection.

"It's alright my darling; it meant something to you as did she and I really don't mind because I love you. Had our positions been reversed I have no doubt you would have spoken as fondly and emotively to her about me,"

"Hand on heart I would, my darling," he held her hand.

OO

He told about Maud's third miscarriage in the autumn of nineteen hundred and one. She could feel his painful desolation and, through him, she sensed Maud's despair too. She felt deeply for the woman even though she herself had never been pregnant much less miscarried. To lose three babies so early on must have been emotionally devastating.

Anthony poured them both another drink and picked up a salmon sandwich which he consumed quietly before continuing.

"In late spring of nineteen hundred and two we found out she was pregnant for the fourth time and prayed for a different outcome and by god we got one.

She remained in bed for most of the pregnancy not wanting to tempt fate; concerned that being active had caused her previous three miscarriages. She looked radiantly beautiful throughout and I loved her more than ever. I longed for the arrival of my heir but had no idea then just what it would cost me."

Tears streaked his face and Edith gently brushed them away with her warm fingers. She held him close, soothing his sobs. She was so proud of him for confronting his pain and began to realise that he had obviously not been ready before; the shock and grief must have numbed him. What was it he had said? "_I soon realised all the tears in the world would not bring her or my son back so I put a lid on my feelings and threw away the key."_

He looked into her eyes; wishing he could take both of her hands in both of his.

"It's late my darling and we are getting to the most harrowing part; the night Maud and my son died. I want to ask if you will drive me to Downton churchyard so I may visit their grave one last time before I finally lay the matter to rest."

"Of course I will my darling," she kissed him.

"Thank you," he whispered, "it is something I should have done a long time ago,"


	5. Chapter 5 Unexpected sensations

**Chapter 5**

**A/N: It's a common idea that good physical health and good mental health are linked. Anthony has been unburdening himself to his wife and is due to get a very unexpectedly pleasant surprise in this chapter. Also please indulge me because we have an insight into the spirit world in this chapter too and, as someone who knows what losing someone they love is like, I believe those we love never truly leave us.**

Although he felt a lot lighter emotionally Anthony was irked by what he considered the insensitivity of talking about the physical aspect of his previous marriage with Edith.

They went upstairs and she began to undress him; he had noticed an extra fondness the last couple of nights when she had done this and he was aware of the need he felt to show her that she was loved.

He drew her close to him and began to kiss her passionately; caressing her mouth and throat with his.

"Anthony," she murmured aware that she wanted to be as close to him as she could. She had felt emotionally close to him in the last couple of days but she wanted to be physically close to him too.

"Lady Strallan, may I make love to you?" He murmured softly.

"Of course you may; there is no need ever to ask."

So they had made love with a passion that took their breath away and now lay together; their breathing ragged, pulses racing and naked bodies glistening with the sweat of their much relished carnal exertion. Edith held him tightly, tears pricking her eyes.

"Oh Anthony, I really do love you so much."

"I feel really close to you," he said, "physically as well as emotionally; just having you listen to me pour out my heart means so much and you have no idea how much lighter I feel."

"It's good to hear," she replied nuzzling his shoulder and caressing the hollow of his neck with her soft lips. "I know you will find talking about Maud's death very painful and I'm well prepared for tears,"

"You are beautiful, my darling," he murmured, "I really appreciate your moral support."

"I know," the corners of Edith's mouth turned up in a salacious smile, "You just proved that,"

They fell asleep soon after.

OO

The following morning at breakfast Anthony seemed quite cheerful; which Edith was delighted to see as she flashed him a bright smile and reached out o hold his injured hand.

"I would like to go and Visit Maud and the baby this morning," he said, "I will see if I can find some freesias as they were her favourite flower," he looked into her eyes, "What is your favourite flower, Lady Strallan?"

"The same as Maud's as it happens but I do like most flowers; the more brightly coloured and sweet smelling the better,"

"Would you help me get some together?"

"Of course my darling and then I will drive you there because this is private,"

"It's very useful having a wife who drives," he smiled.

OO

They went out and Edith helped her husband collect some flowers. They then drove into Downton village and Edith parked close to the church.

"Are you sure you want me to come?" she asked, "It is a rather private thing you are going to do after all."

"You have listened to me pour my heart out, Edith. It would not feel right for me if you were not by my side."

They walked through the churchyard; their feet making no sound in the soft grass. Edith carried the flowers.

At last they came to a stop in front of a plain unadorned grave.

**In loving memory**

**Maud Angeline Strallan **

**Died 23 November 1902**

**Beloved wife of Sir Anthony Strallan**

**Also**

**Philip James Strallan**

**Died 23 November 1902**

**Entered into eternal sleep; never to be forgotten.**

Edith was surprised to find that she was actually quite emotional. She knelt in the grass and helped Anthony arrange the flowers. She stood and gripped his hand. She had a fantasy that Maud would appear and give them her blessing but that sounded like something from a gothic novel.

"Goodbye my darling," Anthony whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "It's time I set you free. I have a beautiful wife who is everything I could need at this time of my life and I've been telling her our story although I haven't got to the worst part yet so I pray that you will give me the emotional strength and courage to get through it."

Tears ran down his cheeks.

Edith pressed close to him and kissed him on the lips and he gently stroked her back with the fingers of his left hand.

They waited a few moments before holding hands and walking away; back towards the car and in the dark Yorkshire earth Lady Maud Strallan slept on with her son at her breast.

OO

In the spiritual realm Lady Maud Strallan sat with the baby in her arms. She had been observing and seen how happy Anthony was with his new wife. Maud had really not wanted to leave him; especially not when she realised she would take the child with her so leaving her beloved widower nothing. She had loved him but now she knew he was preparing to release her to take the last few steps into eternal rest which his grief had prevented her from taking for many years. Lady Edith was beautiful and she clearly loved Anthony and took such good care of him. Maud realised she was good for him and she had been touched by how deeply Edith seemed to feel for her pain over the miscarriages in a way she sensed most new wives would not.

Yes, it was time to leave him now; let him move on and be at peace. Maud admired how he coped with his injury and suspected she would not have been able to cope nearly as well had the Great War been during her lifetime. As she prepared to enter into the ether she sent the one wish she had had for her widower into the air and prayed it would settle right. It was the last thing she would give him.

OO

"Do you feel alright?" Edith asked him. He nodded.

"I actually feel rather good."

"You don't need to tell me about the night she died," Edith said gently, "You have said goodbye."

"I need to talk about it, Edith, and I've got this far along the road; I won't turn back now because I am within a hair's breadth of the peace I crave; well with regard to Maud at least."

She drove them back to Locksley; they were quiet but the silence between them was comfortable.

OO

The day passed pleasantly enough; they went for a long walk.

At dinner Edith sensed that he was tense but that was hardly surprising since she knew he was about to tell her about the night Maud and his child had died and release all the associated emotions. Edith knew she was more than equal to the task of comforting her husband and she knew that he appreciated her being there; he proved that every time he made love to her.

She walked behind his chair and began to massage his shoulders with her strong slender fingers. He moaned softly as she went to work on him and he began to relax.

"Oh that feels lovely, Edith," he sighed.

She leaned down and caressed his neck with her lips

"It's meant to." She carried on. Her hand caressed his right shoulder and Anthony was suddenly aware of something he had never expected to be aware of again. The prickling sensation in his right shoulder and arm was completely alien to him after years without any feeling at all.

Anthony, are you alright?" she asked.

"Yes," he looked at her and his smile reached his blue eyes, "Edith, this might be something or it may be nothing but I can actually feel you touch my right shoulder. I have a prickling sensation right down to my hand but I do not know if I dare to hope but I know I am not imagining things."

"I dare to hope, Anthony," she said.

"Please could you telephone Dr Clarkson as I think I ought to get it looked at; I will tell you about Maud's death when he's gone but I need to get looked at.

Edith reached out and took hold of his right hand and he felt her fingers curl around it. The smile on his face told her everything she needed to know.


	6. Chapter 6 Embracing the future

**Chapter 6**

**A/N: Anthony **_**will **_**spill his guts emotionally with regard to Maud's death but this chapter gives our couple both hope in another direction. Any medical or surgical inaccuracies are down to me.**

The ringing of the telephone startled Dr Richard Clarkson; disturbing his somewhat lurid daydream about making love to Mrs Isobel Crawley.

He picked up the receiver.

"Downton cottage hospital; Dr Clarkson speaking,"

"Dr Clarkson, it's Lady Strallan,"

"Lady Strallan," he smiled, "Are you well?"

"I'm quite well thank you but I need you to come to Locksley,"

"Is Sir Anthony well?"

"Yes he is fine; it's just that he has been experiencing a prickling sensation in his right arm and hand. When I touched him just now he was able to actually feel it and he wants you to come and have a look."

"Of course, Lady Strallan; I will come straightaway."

"Doctor," Edith faltered, sounding close to tears as indeed she had been since she had become aware that Anthony could feel her touch, "Do you think we should hope or could it just be a passing thing?"

"I won't be able to say for sure until I have examined him and run some reflex tests, Lady Strallan."

"Yes, I quite understand Doctor,"

Dr Clarkson had always been fond of Lord Grantham's daughters; considering the fact that he had delivered them all. What Edith had said sounded promising and he found himself sharing her hopes although, professionally speaking, he was forced to keep a clear and open mind. It would be good for Sir Anthony though; Clarkson had a lot of respect for the man having attended him several times on his return from the war to help him deal with his disturbed sleep and nightmares. He knew that Edith loved her husband because, not in spite, of his injury but she deserved to have a man who could hold her properly although he realised she was more than content with what she had because Anthony was the one true love of her life.

OO

Edith and Anthony sat on the library sofa drinking tea. Anthony was still experiencing prickling sensations running from his injured shoulder right down to his withered right hand.

"Does it hurt?" Edith asked.

"Not as such; it's more uncomfortable than anything and that's probably only because it's been so long since I experienced any kind of feeling there at all," he looked into her eyes, "What exactly did Clarkson say?"

Edith gave him a summary of the conversation.

"We can only hope my darling," Anthony kissed her, "When I was in the military hospital after I was shot the doctor told me that the chances of regaining any movement were remote but not impossible. When it didn't happen I began to wonder if I had misunderstood him. I can speak fluent German but I was pretty shaken up so I began to wonder if I had misunderstood him,"

""Well hopefully Dr Clarkson can give us some good news," she held his right hand and gasped as she felt his fingers curling around hers. "I love you so much Anthony darling."

"I love you too, darling Lady Strallan."

Johnson, the faithful old butler, came in.

"Dr Clarkson is here Sir, my lady."

"Thank you Johnson; please show him in and bring another tea cup,"

"Very good, Sir Anthony," Johnson retreated.

OO

Clarkson came in carrying his medical bag.

"I want my wife to remain here during the consultation," Anthony said.

"That's fine, Sir Anthony," Clarkson noticed that they were holding hands.

"Do you think you could remove your shirt?" Clarkson asked.

Edith was astonished as Anthony removed his cravat and began to unbutton his own shirt. He winced as obviously the movement was not comfortable for him after so long being unable to move or feel in his right arm. He slipped the shirt off.

Clarkson carefully touched Anthony's shoulder.

"Can you feel that?" he asked. Anthony nodded.

Clarkson felt all down Anthony's arm and at every point Anthony confirmed that he could feel his touch. Edith was almost crying.

"It looks very much to me that the problem has righted itself Sir Anthony but I can't be sure. Would you object to having some x-rays so I can have a closer look and I may be able to send you to a specialist in London who knows far more about this kind of injury than I ever will."

"Did they actually get the bullet out?" Anthony asked, "I was so confused and in such low spirits at the time; plus my High German is not as good as it might be so there is a chance I may well have misunderstood some of what they said,"

"Yes they did get it out but I must say they did not do a very good job of stitching you back up,"

Johnson brought in the tea; barely giving his half naked master a second glance.

"Sir Anthony, I am going to give you an iron tonic to help rebuild some of the wasted muscle tone although gentle movement should help with that; when a limb cannot be used the muscle _does_ waste away as a matter of course. I recommend you eat plenty of red meat and I would not recommend any driving or heavy lifting for a month or so to give you time to build up your muscle tone. I will take some x-rays as soon as you can get to the hospital and then I will consult with a medical colleague in London for a second opinion,"

"Thank you doctor," Anthony breathed and Edith sensed he was struggling to keep back his tears.

Clarkson drank his tea.

"I am really pleased for you, Sir Anthony; it is high time you had a wee bit of luck,"

"I have been telling Edith about my late wife, her many miscarriages and I am set to tell her about the night she and the baby died. I feel so much better emotionally for it and we even went to the grave today to say goodbye. I have kept it in too long and Edith is so wonderfully supportive. I haven't yet told her about the circumstances that led to the injury; although I am not sure how much I _can _tell her on account of the Official Secrets Act even though she is my wife and the most discreet person I know."

"As long as it goes no further than Lady Strallan you should be fine, Sir Anthony," Clarkson replied, "But it's always been my view that a healthy body and mind go hand in hand and if you are burning away the dross from your mind so to speak, no disrespect to the late Lady Strallan intended of course, it will make you feel better in yourself."

"Dr Clarkson, would you mind not telling my family about this yet?" Edith asked.

"Doctors have their own version of the Official Secrets Act, Lady Strallan. The Hippocratic Oath and I would be in a lot of trouble if I violated that,"

Clarkson finished his tea.

"Take it easy to begin with, Sir Anthony, and come and see me whenever you are able to for x-rays because sooner I get those the sooner I can look further into the matter. I don't have any tonic on me at present but I can give you some when I see you next," Clarkson held out his hand and Anthony shook it with his right hand.

"I will drive Anthony to the hospital tomorrow morning," Edith said.

"Also, while I am aware that you may find things uncomfortable for a while as you have not had any feeling there for some time I would strongly advise you not to wear your sling because your arm needs to be able to move as an aid to recovery,"

"I will be glad to get rid of it Doctor," Anthony said.

Anthony rang for Johnson who came in.

"Please show Dr Clarkson out," Anthony said.

OO

Left alone together they finally could not hold back their tears of elation. For Edith it was better than she had ever dreamt although she knew she would always take pains to remind people; her family especially, that she had married him when he was injured.

"Lady Strallan," Anthony whispered to her, the sensation of his warm breath in her ear causing her to tremble, "Please may I hold you properly?"

"Of course," she breathed.

He pulled her close and she melted into his two armed embrace.

**A/N The Official Secrets Act referred to in this chapter was the Official Secrets Act of 1911 but the one people sign today is the Official Secrets Act of 1989 which repeals and replaces section 2 of the Official Secrets Act 1911.**


	7. Chapter 7 In his arms

**Chapter 7**

**A/N: We **_**will **_**get back to the heavy emotional stuff regarding Anthony's first marriage soon, I promise, but first I want to develop the other storyline involving his injury. Rating rises to M here as they get steamy.**

Tears streaked Edith's face as she remained in her husband's embrace. Tears poured down his face too and Edith smiled through her tears as she saw the elation on his face at finally being able to hold her properly. She could feel the caress as the fingers of his right hand tentatively stroked her back. It was, she knew, what he had always dreamt of but never been able to realise until now.

"Oh Anthony," she breathed, "I love you so much."

"I can show you properly now just how much I love you," he breathed. She pressed against his bare chest.

"My servants have long been loyal to me; through some rather dark times," he said. "I think I should summon them all and share this jolly news."

"Well I suggest you put your shirt back on first," she teased, "I don't want the kitchen maids and housekeeper lusting after my gorgeous husband."

He released her from his embrace with the utmost reluctance and put his shirt back on. He had a little difficulty getting his right arm in the sleeve as it was an awkward movement for a man who had only just regained the use of his arm after years of immobility. He allowed her to help him a little with that but fastened the buttons himself.

He rang for Johnson who came promptly.

"Johnson, please summon all the staff here," Anthony said, "I have some rather jolly news I wish to share with you all."

"Very good, Sir Anthony,"

Moments later the staff began to trickle into the library. Edith put her arm through her husband's.

When the entire Locksley staff had assembled Anthony smiled.

"Most of you gathered here have been by my side through both good times and bad," Anthony said, "and I thank you for your continued support and loyalty; especially in the wake of your mistress's death and that of my heir. I have finally found the moral courage to speak of the pain of those years to my beloved wife, your new mistress, and I have to say I feel considerably lighter in spirit as a result," Anthony smiled, "but in addition to this you have all been very accommodating in helping me manage with my injury. However I have to report that I have now regained movement in my right arm and, according to Dr Clarkson, the prognosis is excellent,"

"That is truly wonderful, Sir," Johnson said and the others nodded assent, "if I may say so; I always knew that the new Lady Strallan would do you the world of good and this is proof."

"Thank you Johnson," Edith smiled and Johnson smiled back.

"Please all take the evening off," Anthony said, "Lady Strallan and I wish to be alone."

OO

Once the staff had been dismissed; Anthony took her back into his arms and kissed her so hard it took their breath away.

"I can't carry you to bed as yet," he murmured into her coppery hair, "But as soon as I can I will but I want to spend a long evening and night with you in my bed so that I can reward you,"

"Oh Anthony," she trembled as his fingertips trailed along the curve of her spine.

"Edith, you are my precious beautiful and wonderful wife so I wondered if you would be willing to accompany me to our bed chamber?"

She was trembling violently; acutely aware of their arousal and need for each other"

He put his right arm around her and led her up the stairs; halfway along the polished wooden corridor that led to their bedroom he stopped.

"Edith, you are to relax this evening for you deserve to be undressed and pleasured by your husband. You have done that for me so many times and this is a reward for your loving devotion and patience,"

"Thank you," she breathed.

They went into the bedroom.

He pulled her to him and began to kiss her, nuzzling her neck. He pulled the sleeve of her dress aside to grant him access to the creamy skin on her shoulder. He began to caress her shoulder with his mouth before moving to the hollow of her neck which he nuzzled at length sending shivers through her. This was so incredibly erotic she felt faint; giddy with desire.

He kissed her mouth hard, gently biting her lip and she melted against him enjoying the feel of both his arms around her slender body.

"Relax my love," he whispered.

He began to unbutton her dress and slid it over her head revealing her nakedness; He knelt at her feet and began to pleasure her breasts; swirling his tongue around her erect nipples that were pink and hard. He began to suck lovingly yet ardently. She could tell that he was highly aroused by her and she moaned softly. She unbuttoned his shirt and he removed it simply because he could. Both naked he began to run the tip of his tongue along her slit before gently parting her labia and sucking gently. His tongue released her engorged clitoris and sucked hard, enjoying the sensation of her honey fluid tricking into his mouth. She began shaking violently where she stood; consumed with the most violent orgasms she had ever experienced and she had not been short-changed on those during their so far brief marriage.

"Anthony," a low moan emanated from the back of her throat.

He gently pushed her back on the bed; sensing she was so overcome she might otherwise fall.

He continued to pleasure his wife; his attention one hundred and ten percent focused on making her feel good and aroused by her violent trembling and the low cries of ecstasy which escaped her mouth; not involuntarily he was sure.

"Oh God Anthony," she moaned, "I need you inside me right now or I shall just die. Oh my god you have no idea how much I want you to take and ravish me,"

His right hand gently stroked her side.

"All in good time, my love,"

He moved up her slender highly desirable body; taking in her slender hips, long legs and pert breasts even as she took in his muscular chest, his strong right arm and his withered left. He was aroused; she gasped at the size of him. Despite his size he had never hurt her.

They kissed passionately as Edith realised just how hungry for him she was.

He slipped inside her with long deep and deft strokes. Her arms went around his neck and her hands roamed across his back and shoulders, paying special attention to his right side as she had not been able to give him pleasure there before. She pushed against him hard and fast with a sudden desperate longing. Their pulses raced along with their ragged breathing. She threw back her head as she felt him quicken his thrust and she felt them climb the apex of desire and linger right on the brink before he cried out as he filled her with his love.

"Edith, oh my god Edith," he cried out, a deep cry of satisfaction coming from his throat. Moments later she was screaming, not caring who heard her.

"Anthony, oh god my love, my love, oh goodness," she felt her creamy fluid flood from her and settle on her inner thighs mingling with his.

He pulled her close, insisting she settle on his right and she rested her head on his chest, inhaling his musky post coital aroma of sweat and shaving soap. Their breathing and heart rates returned to normal before they spoke.

"Oh Edith," he had tears in his eyes, "That was so incredibly good, so beautiful,"

"Yes, it was beautiful but then sex has never been bad between us because you always know what I need without having to ask. I feel really spoilt tonight,"

They had a long cuddle nestled close to each other. He did however insist that she should continue to sleep on his left until his arm regained some strength and she was more than happy to oblige.

"Tomorrow we shall go to see Dr Clarkson and then we shall take a walk. In the evening I will tell you about Maud's death, if you still want to hear,"

"Of course I still want to hear my love,"

"That's good because I feel anything is possible now; even recounting the most painful night of my entire life."

"I am just so proud of you, my darling," she kissed him, "And I really do love you,"

"I love you too, Edith, my sweet Lady Strallan,"

They drifted off to sleep in each other's arms; knowing that they had made another beautiful memory that no one would ever take from them.


	8. Chapter 8 Further good news

**Chapter 8**

**A/N: A bit more fluff before we get back into the heavy stuff.**

Edith sat up in bed with Anthony's head rested in her lap. She was massaging his right arm; delighting in his elation at being able to feel her ministrations.

"Oh Edith," he murmured, "You will never know just how good that feels."

"I know I can't appreciate how it must have felt being unable to move, much less use your arm or hand," she said, "but I love you all the more for it."

She smiled as she remembered the carnal delights of the previous evening; realising he had literally worshipped her body with his hands, mouth and, later, his arousal. She knew they had both given everything that they had to the act and she had rather enjoyed being undressed by him.

"I had a deliciously erotic dream last night," she whispered, "We were making love under a waterfall. I've never got so wet and I don't mean just because of the water,"

He playfully slapped her hand.

"You are a naughty girl, Lady Strallan,"

"I know," she giggled, "all the more so because my mind enjoyed it and when I awoke I found my body had rather enjoyed it too," she winked at him and he winked back. She leaned down and kissed him tenderly. "Oh Anthony, last night was so incredibly erotic it was magical. I really enjoyed being undressed by my rather gorgeous husband and it confirmed to me that you really are the only man for me; the only lover I will ever want or need."

"You are welcome, my love,"

Edith was suddenly aware that her stomach was queasy; she found an acridly unpleasant taste as bile rose into her throat and she groaned.

"I'm sorry Anthony, I don't feel well. I think I'm going to be sick."

He got up and fetched her chamber pot which she gripped while she vomited copiously into it, fighting the bile continuing to rise into her mouth and throat. She felt feverish and finally, after she had thrown up everything she could, she sank back onto the pillows looking decidedly ashen.

Anthony took the pot from her and cuddled her close.

"I'm sorry my darling," she whispered.

Anthony fetched her a glass of water which she sipped; glad to wash away the foul taste.

"It might not be all bad," he said, "We have to go and see Clarkson later and so maybe you should consult him too. We have been married long enough for it to be a possibility after all."

"You mean I might be pregnant?"

"Well you're not the kind of woman who is suddenly sick for no reason,"

"That would be so wonderful," she leaned back against him.

There was a knock at the door.

"Come," Anthony called, hastily drawing the bedclothes over their nakedness

Tea was brought in. Edith sipped hers delicately; not sure if she should be drinking anything but water.

Anthony asked for breakfast to be brought to their room because Lady Strallan was feeling a little unwell. But after a little dry toast and more tea she felt considerably better.

They dressed and went downstairs. Edith asked for the car to be brought round although Anthony insisted that they be driven and moments later they were on their way to Downton village.

OO

Dr Clarkson received them warmly. He asked for Anthony to remove his shirt so he could take him down to the x-ray room. Anthony obliged and Edith helped him put on a hospital gown as he could not quite manage to tie up the back. She sat down to wait for him.

Isobel walked by.

"Edith, are you quite well? You look a little pale,"

"I was sick this morning," she replied, "but I'm waiting for my husband; Dr Clarkson wants to x-ray him."

"I do hope it's nothing serious,"

"It certainly isn't, cousin Isobel," Edith smiled, "Please don't say anything to the family just now but yesterday he started to get sensations back in his injured arm and he could actually feel when I touched him. He can move it a little now but Dr Clarkson says he needs to consult a doctor in London who is a specialist in that kind of injury, hence the x-rays. He needs to build up his muscle tone because his left arm is terribly wasted."

"That must be such a relief for him, for you both," Isobel said.

"Yes it is and it can only get better; although I will never forget that I married him when he was injured and I won't let anyone else forget that either/"

OO

Anthony came back with Clarkson moments later and Isobel went about her business.

"I will have a look at the x-rays, Sir Anthony, and then I will be in contact with my colleague in London. I will be in touch as soon as I can,"

"Thank you," Anthony said.

Dr Clarkson turned to Edith.

"Might I have a word, Lady Strallan?"

"Yes certainly Dr Clarkson." She followed him into his office where he invited her to sit. She did so.

"Sir Anthony mentioned that you were sick this morning; clearly he has his notions as to what this means as he says you are not the kind of person to be sick for no reason. If you could lie on the bed and undo the bottom buttons of your dress."

Edith complied and laid back as he felt her stomach carefully.

"So am I pregnant?"

"Yes you definitely are; almost four months so you will begin to show soon but I will take the best care of you. I did not manage to save the late Lady Strallan or Sir Anthony's heir but he has never held it against me. If I can deliver you and this child safely then I will consider I have atoned,"

"My husband does not bear grudges," Edith replied, "in fact I don't think he even feels malice towards the man who shot him but then he is a good decent honourable man."

"I have given Sir Anthony that tonic we spoke of last evening. It should help towards rebuilding his wasted muscle tone and please make sure he uses it as much as possible and do not let him wear that sling even if it does get uncomfortable. I have told him to come and see me in about a month or sooner if there are problems which, to be honest, I do not anticipate. I will be in touch when I have reviewed the x-rays and consulted my colleague in London."

"Thank you very much, Dr Clarkson," Edith said as she re-buttoned and adjusted her dress.

She and Anthony left the hospital and walked back to the car.

"Anthony," she breathed, "I'm nearly four months pregnant."

He threw his arms around her and hugged her.

"Oh my darling, you have no idea how delighted and hopeful I am that this time I will get an heir for more than a couple of hours."

"I will do my best, Anthony, because I do not want to be lost and I want nothing more than to put a baby in your arms."

"I think we should celebrate," Anthony said, "and tonight I will tell you about Maud's death; I know I can do it now. It was the most painful night of my life but with you by my side I know I can come through anything because you gave me back my life and my hope for some kind of future,"

She held him tightly and they shared a tender kiss.

"Come on," she said, "I want to go home,"

OO

They arrived back at Locksley and had lunch; after which they adjourned to the library and tea was brought. Once they were alone he took her in his arms.

"Edith my darling, may I ask you something?"

"Of course,"

"I realise this may be asking a lot as you are clearly as pleased as I am about the baby but could you not tell anyone else just yet. It's just that the three times Maud miscarried she had told her friends within hours of knowing and I can't help wondering if perhaps she tempted fate. The fourth time she told no one until she was rather obviously showing. It did not change the eventual outcome of course but at least she got to full term that time. I don't want to tempt fate my darling because this baby means everything to me,"

Edith kissed him.

"Well, I will begin to show soon but I will say nothing until then," she held his right hand in both of hers and caressed it lovingly, "but I fully understand and respect what you say."

"I was thinking that, when we hear back from Dr Clarkson about the x-rays and my long-term recovery prognosis, we could invite your family for dinner. It will be on our territory and we can tell them about the baby then."

"That sounds nice," Edith nestled close to her beloved husband and they shared a deep tender kiss.

"Then that's what we'll do," he said.


	9. Chapter 9 Vale of tears

**Chapter 9**

**A/N: Be warned – you may need tissues for this chapter. The lines of poetry quoted by Edith are from **_**A Nocturnal upon St Lucy's Day, being the shortest day **_**by John Donne.**

That afternoon the autumn weather took a turn for the worse; it began to rain heavily and the wind really got up. The rain lashed the windows and the skies were impenetrably dark.

"I'm glad we didn't get caught out in this," Edith said, shivering. Johnson had lit the library fire at Anthony's request but it had not really got going yet.

Edith sat on the sofa beside her husband; with his right arm around her, holding her close to his warm muscular body she felt secure and loved.

"Are you warm enough, Edith my love?" he asked, "if not I can get a blanket for us,"

He placed his hand on her abdomen.

"I'm fine; the fire will pick up soon and I _do _have a rather lovely man to keep me warm,"

She looked into his eyes.

."Are you ready to tell me about the night that Maud died?"

"Yes, I believe I am because I believe I can get through anything with you beside me; even relive the most painful night of my life. But I can't promise there won't be tears."

"There would be something wrong if you _didn't _cry, my darling," she held his right hand, "She was your wife and you loved her."

"Yes, I did, "He looked into her eyes," First I have to tell you something. When we visited the grave yesterday I sensed she was watching us and that she was happy because she approved of you."

"I got that feeling too," she replied, "but I wasn't sure if I should say anything."

"I think that the two of you would have been good friends," he said as he affectionately nuzzled her shoulder.

OO

"The night she died was like this; cold, wet and windy, "he said, "We had had some friends over for dinner; Sir John & Lady Maria Thorne. Maud went into labour not long after dinner. I had Johnson send for Dr Clarkson and the housekeeper helped her upstairs to her room, Sir John & Lady Maria had no children; she was older than him by ten years and he was her second husband for her first had been killed in the African war. I was not alone as they promised to keep me company until it was all over; not realising it would be all over in the final sense of course,"

Edith felt comforted by the notion that her husband had not been alone.

"Dr Clarkson came and went up to the room. I paced the floor. Sir John tried to get me to sit down but I could not so he gave me brandy. I continued to pace; feeling an acute sense of dread that would not have been shaken no matter how much I had drunk. I became steadily more agitated and every sound made me jump, "he sighed, "the hours passed and I was a wreck. Not knowing what was happening or how far the labour had progressed made things worse because we always fear the unknown."

Edith cuddled him; holding him tightly in her arms as she allowed him to melt against her warm body. His lovely blue eyes were beginning to tear up.

"I honestly believed that the waiting would drive me mad,"

There was a tense silence for a few moments during which they just held each other.

"Just before midnight the howling wind died down all of a sudden when it had been rattling the casements all after midnight we heard the sound of crying, I rushed upstairs, two at a time as I recall, and was alarmed to realise that the crying came not from a newborn babe but from the housekeeper; Sir John and Lady Maria were not far behind me. When Clarkson came out of the room I felt suddenly faint and was later told that all colour had drained from my face before he even spoke and I will never forget his words for they echoed in my tear induced sleep for months, afterwards. Clarkson's expression was grave."

Edith held him tightly.

"Clarkson put his hand on my shoulder. 'I'm sorry Sir Anthony but the cord was wrapped around the child's neck, I forced her to push him out the last bit but she was exhausted. I fought to untangle the cord so I could cut it but I wasted precious seconds doing so and he was blue when I finally managed it. I tried desperately to resuscitate him but he died moments later,"

Edith held him still more tightly; aware of the fact her dress was wet with his tears.

"Oh god no," I cried, shaking and suddenly feeling cold despite the fact that the house was warm. When it dawned on me that I had lost a son I felt my heart was breaking but that was nothing compared to what came next. I asked about Maud although I somehow already knew the answer which filled me with dread. 'I'm sorry, Sir Anthony but the numerous miscarriages evidently put a greater strain on her than we realised. When she finally pushed him out she was struggling to breathe and despite my best efforts she died not ten minutes ago. I am so sorry,"

He was sobbing now; his body rigid with emotion, and Edith let him cry; saying nothing but just soothing and kissing him.

"The next few hours were a blur: I was vaguely aware of Clarkson and Sir John leading me back downstairs and giving me brandy while Lady Maria remained on the upstairs landing to comfort the distraught housekeeper. I was numb for a time but then I asked if I could see her; to face the reality that I was now a widower although it still did not seem real at that time,"

Edith had never felt as inadequate as she did right now; knowing that she would never find the words to comfort him.

"I sat by her bed. Her eyes had been closed and she had been washed and attired. They had already taken away my son fearing, I would imagine, that the grief of that would push me over the edge. I was relieved at the time but now I wish I had insisted on holding that frail body that had lived for only minutes, the body of my son and heir but I never blamed Clarkson because I knew he did everything that could have been done for them both. I sat beside her bed, holding her still warm hand, and it was like the entire world had shrunk to the size of that room."

Edith held her husband whose body was heaving with heart-rending sobs. His tears soaked her dress but she did not mind that. She just could not imagine what that night had been for him and part of her understood why he had tried to close himself off from the memories it evoked because his pain was still so very raw. Her heart "Edith, I love you," he whispered.

"I know my darling and I love you too, so very much, but she was your first love, I feel how raw your pain is and what pathetic words of mine could soothe the ache in your heart."

"None but your presence," he replied, "I did not expect to ever talk about that night again but you make me want to move on so we can have a future together; with our own baby although I am so terrified for you. I am pleased though, you know that. It is like a very sharp double-edged sword,"

"I am not ready to be lost," she whispered, "I have not endured what she did and I am young, fit and healthy."

"I'm jolly glad I have finally talked about it though as perhaps now it will bring me some peace,"

Edith rested her head on his shoulder after gently drying his tears with her warm fingers.

_'TIS the year's midnight, and it is the day's,_

_Lucy's, who scarce seven hours herself unmasks;_

_The sun is spent, and now his flasks_

_Send forth light squibs, no constant rays;_

_The world's whole sap is sunk;_

_The general balm th' hydroptic earth hath drunk,_

_Whither, as to the bed's-feet, life is shrunk,_

_Dead and interr'd ; yet all these seem to laugh,_

_Compared with me, who am their epitaph._

She quoted.

"A Nocturnal upon St Lucy's Day, being the shortest day," Anthony smiled a wan smile, "And I know exactly how he felt; Donne was definitely not exaggerating when he penned those lines," he kissed the top of her head, "Oh Edith my love, I promise I will do my best not to fret and fuss during your pregnancy."

"After what you have been through I think you have the right to make me sit without moving for the next five months," she replied, "But I really feel it will be alright this time for I don't have the scarring and damage she had and Dr Clarkson will keep a close eye on me,"

He held her close in his arms; aware of just how much she loved him and for the first time he noticed her face was streaked with tear tracks too so he kissed her tears away with his warm lips making her tremble ever so slightly.

"I blame myself because I should have realised the physical toll the miscarriages had had on her. I must have put undue pressure on her without realising because she must have felt bad every time she miscarried and been determined that the next time it would work out alright,"

"It was not your fault Anthony," she said vehemently, "these things happen and I am sure that, were she to walk into the room now, she would not have a bad word to say against the man she married for love,"

"You are so understanding; my darling," he said, "I think she must have sent you to love me because, in spite of my faults and lack of confidence, I know that you do."

"I love you _because_ of them, not in spite of," she reminded him with a soft kiss on his neck.

She took his handkerchief from his pocket to dry the last of his tears. The look that passed between them said more than a thousand words ever could because it said that they loved each other and they would face whatever the future held together which was confirmed as they clasped hands.

OO

"Do you know something?" Edith said about an hour later, "I have an absolutely insatiable craving for hot toast and honey,"

"Then that is exactly what you shall have; my darling sweet Lady Strallan," he said as he rang the bell for Johnson.


	10. Chapter 10 Tea,toast and empathy

**Chapter 10**

**A/N After the emotional seriousness of the previous chapter I thought our favourite couple deserved a bit of romantic fluff.**

Johnson brought Edith a plate of toast with butter and honey. Anthony watched her delicately spread it and smiled as she ate. She broke a piece off and slipped it into his mouth, holding it delicately. He followed suit and slipped a morsel between her lips and they fed each other. She had honey on her lips and a few crumbs. He took her face in both hands and kissed her; his mouth brushing it away and she did the same to him.

"No woman has ever fed me before," he breathed, "Did you know how incredibly erotic it is?"

"I have an idea," she cast her eyes downward and he understood her meaning.

He took her in his arms, stroking her back and nuzzling the hollow of her neck. All the while the rain lashed the windows.

OO

Anthony was somewhat tearful and downcast that evening but Edith understood; he had relived the most painful experience of his life after all and she just held him and they did not speak as she allowed him to draw comfort from her presence. Her mind was also preoccupied. In hearing about Maud's death and that of the baby her confidence was shaken. She allowed positive thoughts of their love to fill her mind; she was after all not scarred by a serious of miscarriages so she had a much better chance of a safe delivery but now she fully understood Anthony's request not to trumpet the news of her pregnancy until she was showing and left no doubt. He and the child inside her belly meant everything to her so she hoped she would be able to place that precious baby in her husband's arms.

OO

As they were about to retire that night he held her close.

"I'm sorry I have not been the best of company tonight, my love."

"Anthony, I could hardly expect you to be the life and soul of the party after the painful experience you have shared today. For me it is enough to just be here beside you so please do not apologise. I love you, I'm here for you and that is all you need to know,"

"Thank you," he whispered, "for not being jealous or hating her for hurting me; a lot of second wives would you know,"

"I feel I have come to know her very well and I am glad that she had the privilege of loving you, as I do," she looked into his eyes and saw him smile.

"I feel an incredible sense of peace creeping over me," he whispered.

She slipped her arm around his waist and leaned close.

"Let's go to bed my love," she whispered, "I want to get lots of rest to ensure our baby has the best chance," she murmured into his ear, "but that doesn't mean you have to do without your pleasures," she winked.

They went upstairs.

"I need to show you something before we go to bed," he said, "follow me."

They went along the corridor until they came to a part of the house that Edith had not set foot in before; like a secret wing. Anthony took a key from his pocket and unlocked a door. Intrigued, Edith followed him.

"Is this where you keep all the Strallan family gold?" she teased.

"Not exactly," he frowned, "that's in the bank,"

He opened a door and revealed a lady's private bedroom with en suite dressing room. The room was beautiful but a mantle of dust lay on everything as though the room had not been entered for years.

"This was Maud's bedroom," his voice was thick with emotion, "the place where she died and further along is the room we shared when she had the inclination; I felt a need to show you, I wanted you to know that I was not so insensitive as to give my second Lady Strallan the bedroom where her predecessor died; in fact once I was done mourning and sitting in there for hours reading her journals and crying I wanted to draw a line under that part of my life. I could not speak of it, until today."

She pressed close.

"To be honest, Anthony, the thought never crossed my mind as to whether I had her old room since I have never slept there but I thank you for your sensitivity,"

"That's alright then," he kissed her, "Let's go to bed,"

His eyes were filled with tears.

OO

They lay in bed, slicked with sweat after a lengthy bout of lovemaking. Their pulses raced and their breathing was ragged.

"Oh Anthony, I do love you,"

"I feel so at peace now," he murmured as he held her close to him, her head rested on his chest,

"Good," she said, "it is nothing less than you deserve; it was not your fault what happened to Maud and the baby and I hope you realise that. Now I just want to concentrate on getting safely through the next few months and helping you rebuild your arm."

They drifted off to sleep with their bodies entwined.

OO

Two weeks later Johnson came to the library to announce that Dr Clarkson was there to see them.

Clarkson came in and Anthony bade him sit. Anthony had been taking the iron tonic and his arm felt better. He had used it a lot and was able to lift light objects although he still found it difficult to get his right arm into his clothes but he had Edith to help him with that so it did not bother him too much.

"Could you roll your shirt sleeves right up as far as you can, Sir Anthony?" Clarkson asked. Anthony did so and Clarkson asked him to stretch both arms out in front of him.

Clarkson felt along Anthony's left arm which was considerably more muscular than his left. He then felt the right, checking Anthony was still able to feel, which he was.

"The muscle tone has improved considerably but I am afraid I would be lying if I said it would ever reach the level it was before the injury."

"That is what I suspected," Anthony said.

"What about the x-rays?" Edith asked.

"The muscle tone will improve considerably more but, like I said, never return to the level it was at before the injury; my colleague in London is in agreement with me on this but you still need to exercise the limb. Some movements might still be awkward for you for a time and some you might never be able to do again but you will be able to resume driving within a couple of weeks. Your movement may improve and it will certainly never regress,"

"Thank you, Dr Clarkson," Anthony said.

"May I ask you what you were doing immediately before you began to experience sensation?"

"My wife was giving me a massage because I was tense; I was preparing to tell her about the night my wife and heir died, but I have done that now and feel so much more peace as a result."

"That is good," Clarkson said, "I know so many widows, both men and women, who still will not talk about such things even if they have remarried. I suspect they fear jealousy and tension between themselves and their new spouse."

"Lady Strallan has been a complete rock; she has understood and comforted me without so much as a hint of jealousy or resentment,"

"Then you are a very fortunate man,"

"I know that; I realised even before the day we married that I had found pure gold. She has given me back my life totally,"

Clarkson took a card from his jacket pocket and passed it to Anthony.

"This is the specialist I consulted with regard to your x-rays; he says he will be more than happy for you to call on him should you chance to be in London at any time,"

Anthony slipped the card into his own pocket.

"How are you feeling, Lady Strallan?" Clarkson asked.

"I am very well," she replied, "No further sickness and I feel bright in spirits and pretty strong."

"That is good," he felt her stomach, "All seems well but as time progresses you will need to take it easy."

"I am aware of that for I have no wish to endanger the child; given how precious he or she is to both of us."

"Please feel free to call me should you be anxious about anything, Lady Strallan," Clarkson said, "It is clear that you have a good relationship so will share any worries you may have. Too many people say nothing and if they don't then how can I, or anyone else, help them?"

Edith held Anthony's hand.

"I am aware that my husband is anxious, indeed terrified, at the prospect of my giving birth and, hearing the story of how Lady Strallan and the baby died, has made me more than a little anxious but we love each other with a depth beyond words or understanding and that will help us through."

OO

Robert, Earl of Grantham, was in the library with Cora, Mary, Matthew and Isobel.

"Sir Anthony and Edith have invited us for dinner at Locksley on Saturday," Robert said,

"It will be nice to see Edith," Cora said, "She is so wrapped up in things over there I sense she has forgotten she has a family."

"_She is making you feel how she must have felt all those years when she thought she did not matter," _Isobel thought.

That Saturday evening Robert, Cora, Matthew, Mary and Isobel were driven to Locksley and announced

They walked into the library and when Edith stood to welcome them Cora gasped,

"My goodness Edith; we never knew you were pregnant."


	11. Chapter 11 News for the Crawleys

**Chapter 11**

**A/N: Slight tension here but our couple win through.**

"Yes, I am just over four months gone," Edith said with a smile, "and we are both delighted."

"Congratulations," Cora and Robert both said.

"Thank you," Edith said.

Anthony stood behind his wife; his left hand on her shoulder.

"I have been honest with Edith about the night my first wife died, the fact she had three miscarriages before conceiving the child whose birth killed them both has made us understandably anxious for each other's sakes so I would ask you to not spread the news too far."

"I am so sorry, Sir Anthony," Cora said, "I had never realised she went through so much."

"It has taken me many years to deal with the pain; several years to get to the stage where I could even contemplate sharing it with anyone but I genuinely love your daughter and I wanted her to know all the facts."

.Anthony reached out his right arm and took Edith's hand in his; well aware that everyone present had noticed.

"That's the other news," Anthony said, "the other night Edith was giving me a massage because I was tense and I began to feel a prickling sensation. This has improved considerably although there are still movements I can't do and my muscle tone is seriously wasted after years of immobility. Dr Clarkson has consulted a colleague in London who advised him that while it may not get much better than it is now it will not get worse so we are both thankful,"

"That is impressive," Robert said, "I thought there was no chance of recovery,"

"That is what I thought," Anthony replied, "so it was most unexpected,"

"Will you be able to drive again, Sir Anthony?" Isobel asked.

"I have been advised not to try for a bit until I get some strength back but I have been told not to wear the sling anymore so good riddance to that; at least I can now hold Edith properly, dress myself and use two hands; it is more than I ever expected. Your daughter has truly given me my life back, Lord Grantham, and she has helped me find peace,"

"How do you feel about this Edith?" Robert asked.

"I'm ecstatic Papa; both about Anthony's arm and the baby,"

Robert was aware of the love in his daughter's eyes as she looked at her husband.

OO

Dinner was a quiet affair and Edith sensed that her family were coming to terms with the new revelations. She knew that Anthony found occasions with her relatives trying but at least they were in their own home tonight.

After dinner the ladies filed through into the library; the men would join them later.

"I had no idea that the Lady Strallan had been through so much," Mary said.

"Well, we were little more than infants at that time," Edith said, "so no one probably talked about it with us in the room,"

"Are you jealous?" Mary asked, "I would be if I married a man who had been widowed; I would constantly wonder if I measured up,"

Edith shook her head.

"No actually I'm not; Anthony has talked about her at some length and what she went through, how they met and all that and I never once felt jealous. I get the feeling I have come to know quite well what she was like and we were different; the only thing we have in common is that Anthony loved both of us, loves in my case."

"You really do love him, don't you?" Mary exclaimed, Edith heard the note of disbelief in her sister's voice but shrugged it off. None of her family thought Anthony was good enough for her, including Anthony himself at times. You had been able to hear a pin drop in the library in Downton when they had announced their engagement. She knew it was because they thought his injury would lead to him dropping dead of a heart-attack; never mind that he had been injured in the service of his King and country whereas Lord Grantham had not been called to serve. Her family had been prepared to accept Matthew as a husband for Mary but Edith wondered if objections would have been raised had Matthew not regained the use of his legs; probably not because Mary always got what she wanted. She was sure that, had Mary decided she wanted Anthony, his age and injury would not have been a problem but the injury was no longer a problem anyway; although that could not have been predicted during their courtship.

Robert had raised all kinds of objections to his daughter marrying Anthony but Edith had countered everyone with a grain of truth that showed that she did actually know him better.

"You really can't be serious about this Edith," Violet the dowager countess had exploded, "I know that there are few men your own age left but that is no reason to throw yourself at a man almost your father's age,"

"Granny, even if there were I would not want any of them because I will tell you something; I love Sir Anthony Strallan, he treats me like I matter and when I'm at Locksley I feel more comfortable than I ever have felt here. He is in good health apart from the injury and whether I get two years as his wife or twenty I will make the most of every moment because I love him. If the war taught us anything it should have been to make every moment count. I am sorry but you won't change my mind on this and I am of age so there is absolutely nothing you can do to prevent it,"

She had been suddenly aware that Anthony was in the room and when they found themselves alone for a rare moment later on he had whispered,

"Thank you for saying all those lovely things, Lady Edith. I do actually love you very much but I was afraid to say those words; afraid you would reject me,"

"How could I reject you Anthony; you are the only person who makes me feel like I matter."

OO

Edith smiled at Mary; her expression leaving her older sister in no doubt that Edith had got the cream and was blissfully happy with Anthony and him with her.

OO

"That wasn't so bad," Edith admitted once her family had gone home, "But I found myself reliving the evening we announced our engagement and how I verbally smashed their stupid objections to bits one by one."

"Well I can't do anything about my age which was one of the main ones"

"I would not want you to be younger; I feel much safer with an older man and the other objection isn't a problem anymore,"

"I will tell you one thing my love; I would like to be a fly on the wall when they tell the dowager countess about all of this."

Edith nestled close to him.

"So would I," she whispered.


	12. Chapter 12 Sir John Thorne pays a visit

**Chapter 12**

Violet was more than a little surprised when she was told about Anthony's recovery from injury.

"Who would have thought it," she quipped, "maybe he was pretending all along to extract sympathy?"

"I hardly think so," Isobel snapped, "He is far too honest to do something like that but he seems to be getting better,"

"Well, I shall soon be a great grandmother," Violet said, "Although I still think he is far too old for her,"

"He looks after her," Isobel said.

"And he loves her," Mary said, "the way he looks at her, the way they look at each other, leaves absolutely no doubt."

"I didn't think you were a fan of his, Mary,"

"I'm not especially but Edith could have done far worse for herself; we forget that most men of Edith's age and slightly older are dead now or worst maimed, both physically and mentally, than Sir Anthony is and, even had there not been a war, she would not have wanted any of them anyway."

"I suppose we must accept it and him then; especially as Edith is pregnant,"

"I think that's for the best, Granny," Mary said.

**Five months later**

As Edith got nearer her time Anthony became increasingly anxious but Edith soothed him. She was worried too but had tried to remain positive and Dr Clarkson continually assured her that all was well and that the child seemed healthy enough.

"Well, he or she can certainly kick," Edith laughed.

At night they would lie together and he would stroke her swollen belly and smile when he felt his heir kick. He would lie behind her on his left side and fall asleep with his right arm draped over her belly. Edith liked that; it made her feel safe and loved.

Edith took short walks and rested a lot; anxious to give the baby the best chance.

OO

One day when she returned downstairs after her afternoon rest she found Anthony talking to a stranger; a tall man, although not as tall as Anthony, with distinguished grey hair and sharp features.

"Edith darling, this is my good friend, Sir John Thorne; you will remember I told you about him?"

"Yes," Edith offered him her hand and he kissed it with a flourish.

Edith sat and Anthony rang for Johnson to bring them more tea.

"I know all about the night Maud died and I am grateful that Anthony was not alone that night," Edith said. She suddenly remembered something.

"I beg your pardon Sir John but do you not have a wife, Lady Maria I think?"

"Alas no, Lady Maria succumbed to the Spanish flu. I still feel wretched without her; especially since we had no children. The worst thing is that I did not even get mildly sick,"

"It was the same for my father, me and my sisters," Edith said, "We did not get so much as a sniffle but we almost lost my mother,"

"My wife is the second daughter of the earl of Grantham," Anthony explained.

"So Anthony has told you about the late Lady Strallan?"

"Yes, he has told me everything; from the time he met his wife, through her tragic miscarriages up until her death. It was extremely painful for him. I comforted him and I understood."

"You are very fortunate, Anthony,"

"I certainly am, John. When I came back from the war injured and with next to no confidence I felt I was destined to remain alone forever and that my family name would die with me but dear sweet Lady Edith gave me back my life and I would not be without her now although her family were against it on the grounds of my age and the injury. They felt an injured useless arm meant I would drop dead anytime soon. I do not expect to ever have their blessing but Edith was legally able to marry without the Earl of Grantham's consent and she chose to do so. My age I can do nothing about but at least the injury is no longer an issue,"

"You clearly know your own mind, Lady Strallan,"

"I would not always say that Sir John; but I know that I love Anthony and I look forward to being the mother of his heir. I knew I wanted him and I set out to get him. My family wanted me to marry someone younger and not injured but they forgot that most men my age died or came home worse maimed that Anthony was. Even had we not had the war I would not have wanted any of these men,"

"Lady Strallan has remarkably good taste," Anthony smiled putting his arm around her.

"So when are you due?"

"In about ten days time," Edith said, "I both fear and dread it,"

"Lightning rarely strikes twice," Sir John said.

"Well three miscarriages rather contradict that theory," Anthony said grimly. Edith held him tightly.

"I am sure all will be well this time, Anthony dear chap," Sir John said.

OO

They lay in their bed that night. It was cold for late spring but they kept each other deliciously warm despite being naked. They tended to wear nightgowns only if they were in a hotel or guests in someone's house out of respect for their host; their honeymoon had been the only exception to this rule so far.

Anthony caressed his wife's swollen belly.

"I am so in love with you, darling Edith," he murmured, "I think I have been since we went for that drive before the war and you asked me what Maud had been like."

She kissed him.

"I am in love with you too, Anthony,"

She turned over and pressed as close to him as her swollen belly would allow.

"Anthony darling, I don't want to accept any dinner engagements for the next week or so because, in my view, Sir Anthony's Strallan's heir should rightly be born here at Locksley,"

"I understand my love because that is also what I want," he sighed, "After what happened before I am getting even more anxious as the time draws nearer,"

"I know my love," she murmured, "but I am sure it will go to plan this time."

OO

A week passed and one evening Robert, Cora, Mary, Matthew and Violet came round for dinner. Edith had managed to persuade her husband that it would be better to have some people to keep him company should she go into labour.

After dinner they assembled in the library.

Edith grimaced as she felt a sharp twinge. She tried to ignore it but then another came and she felt something running down her legs.

"Anthony," she gripped his arm, "My waters just broke."


	13. Chapter 13 The long awaited heir

**Chapter 13**

Anthony sprang into action. He rang for Johnson and told him to send for Dr Clarkson. Cora and Mary helped Edith upstairs and made her comfortable in her own room and Johnson requested that the housekeeper fetch towels and warm water.

"I'm getting much too old for this melodrama," Violet said although no one took much notice.

Dr Clarkson arrived promptly with Isobel; with whom he had been dining.

Mary came downstairs as Clarkson and Isobel went up. She had a son of her own now but no experience in delivering babies.

"Make sure you look after Sir Anthony," Clarkson said, "Given what happened to his first wife he needs his mind to be kept off what is going on upstairs."

Mary descended to the library.

Violet had seen the way that Anthony & Edith had looked at each other; her granddaughter's expression had pleaded with him to believe that everything would be alright and she finally realised in her heart that Anthony loved and needed her. So she vowed to make a real effort with her grandson-in-law from then on.

"How is your arm Sir Anthony?" she asked.

"It will never be like it was before the injury, Lady Grantham," Anthony said, "but I am under no illusions about that. But it is a considerable improvement, even being able to hold Edith properly is good yet I still have trouble getting my right arm in my shirts and jackets and suspect I always will but the fact is that I can feel and don't get any pain."

"That's good to hear," Violet put her hand on his arm,

"Will you forgive an old woman her prejudices? I want us to at least try and tolerate each other for my great-grandchild's sake."

"Of course, Lady Grantham," Anthony kissed her on the cheek which took her completely by surprise.

Anthony turned to the others,

"If you want a drink please help yourselves; my hands are shaking so much I would probably spill it."

Matthew poured a tumbler of whisky and pressed it into Anthony's right hand. Anthony nodded his thanks.

The hours passed.

OO

"Come on Edith darling, you're doing really well," Cora encouraged her daughter.

Edith was drenched in sweat and pretty tired; her hair was plastered to her scalp.

Clarkson glanced between Edith's legs. She had bundles of towels under her knees in order to make delivery easily when the time came.

"I can see the head," Clarkson announced, "I want you to push now, Lady Strallan; push as hard as you possibly can,"

Cora gripped her daughter's hand as Edith pushed hard. Cora had white finger marks on her hand as Edith had gripped so hard.

"One more push," Clarkson encouraged, "You are almost there and I'm happy to report there is absolutely no distress on the infant's part."

"Anthony will be relieved," Edith gasped, "Oh I do hope he's alright,"

"He has Mary, Matthew, cousin Violet and your father with him," Isobel said.

The baby emerged and began to cry quietly. Clarkson cut the cord and passed him to Isobel who cleaned him up.

"You have a perfectly healthy son, Lady Strallan," Clarkson said, "Congratulations,"

Isobel moved to gently place the baby at his mother's breast but Clarkson stopped her.

"Not yet Isobel," he said, "She is still in labour; there is another baby in there,"

"Twins," Edith's face flooded with tears.

"I had my suspicions at your last check-up," Clarkson admitted, "but I really could not be sure and I did not want to make Sir Anthony even more anxious than he already was."

"Shouldn't Edith feed the child?" Cora asked.

"He will be alright for a few moments, Lady Grantham," Clarkson said. He resumed his position.

"Be ready to push, Lady Strallan; in a few more moments."

"We've only brought one of everything," Edith gasped.

"Don't worry about that for now, we can improvise," Cora said, wiping her daughter's forehead with a cool damp cloth.

OO

Anthony was pacing the floor, getting increasingly more anxious. Matthew and Mary did their best to try and distract him; knowing he would be more worried about what was happening upstairs.

"Edith is a strong healthy young woman," Violet said; without the expected emphasis on the word young, "I am sure there will be some news soon," Anthony was further taken aback when Violet took hold of his right hand and held it for a moment. Robert was aware that his son-in-law's eyes were filling with tears as he awkwardly patted him on the right shoulder.

OO

"Come on Lady Strallan," Clarkson said, "Push now, you're nearly there."

Edith pushed; she was so tired by now.

"The twin emerged from her mother and Clarkson cut the cord. Cora took the boy from Isobel so that she could clean up his sister.

"This one is a daughter," Clarkson announced.

Edith's eyes filled with tears.

"I'm so very glad; Anthony has waited so long for an heir and despaired for years since Maud died,"

Edith fed her babies; her heart filled with complete love for them and their father.

"You rest now Edith," Isobel said, "We will go and put Anthony out of his misery."

OO

They descended the stairs and Anthony turned pale. Clarkson knew that he was remembering the last time and was so glad for what he was about to tell him. Anthony breathed hard as he realised they were all smiling.

"Congratulations," Clarkson said, "Everything went well; mother and babies are doing well,"

"Thank you god," Anthony punched the air as tears of joy flooded his face; suddenly it dawned on him what Clarkson had said.

"You said mother and babies... in the plural?"

"You heard me correctly, Sir Anthony," Clarkson put his hand on Anthony's shoulder, "Lady Strallan has just given birth to a daughter after delivering you a son about fifteen minutes before."

Anthony turned to them; his eyes filled with tears.

"I have twins," he breathed, "And they are both alright; At long last my dream of fatherhood has come true,"

Violet, who was nearest, hugged him.

"Congratulations," she said.

"Edith is just a tiny bit concerned because you only brought one of everything," Cora said.

"Well, we bought clothes for both boys and girls," Anthony said, "so at least they will both have something to wear."

"They will both be alright in the same crib tonight," Isobel said, "She is feeding them at present and she wants to wash and make herself presentable. I will go back and let you know when she's ready."

"I would recommend that Lady Strallan has a good night's rest to bond with her children," Clarkson said, "I will have to come and visit her tomorrow morning to ensure all is well; although there is no earthly reason why it won't be,"

Anthony shook Clarkson's hand.

"Thank you my friend," he breathed.

"Consider it atonement for not being able to save them last time," Clarkson said.

"I never blamed you for that; and you know it," Anthony exclaimed.

"I know Sir Anthony; but I blamed myself,"

OO

Isobel came back downstairs and put her hand on Anthony's arm.

"Go on," Robert chided gently, "go and meet your children."

Sir Anthony Strallan saw his in-laws out and ascended the stairs two at a time.


	14. Chapter 14 Ties that bind

**Chapter 14**

**A/N: in this story Edith and Anthony **_**did**_** marry on the occasion we now know as 3.3.**

Edith smiled as her husband's shadow fell across the room.

"Anthony darling; come and meet our beautiful children,"

His blue eyes filled with tears as he crossed the room in three long strides and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I nearly died of shock when I realised I was still in labour," she breathed, "I honestly had never suspected I was carrying twins; I just thought it would be a large baby."

"I nearly fainted when Dr Clarkson told me," he replied as Edith placed the twins in their father's arms.

"Well we both got what we wanted," she said, "You have your long awaited heir, born at Locksley, and I'm totally exhausted,"

"You need to rest, my love, Clarkson feels he has atoned for not being able to save Maud and Philip and your grandmother has been unexpectedly supportive,"

"Will you stay with me tonight, Anthony darling? Only I'm far too tired to move from here right now. We can put the twins in the same basket for tonight,"

"I think there may be a second Moses basket in Maud's old room," Anthony replied, "I will have a look tomorrow," he kissed her, "I have no desire to leave my wife and children tonight,"

"That is what I had hoped you would say; of course I may disturb you when I get up and feed them in the night,"

"Edith darling; no amount of inconvenience matters, not now my dreams have all finally come true,"

He placed the sleeping twins in the Moses basket and kissed them"

"Goodnight Maud and James," he said quietly.

He then stripped off his clothing and slipped into bed beside his beloved wife; but she was not just an earl's daughter and a wife now, he realised with love, for she was the mother of Sir Anthony Strallan's heirs.

"Oh my darling Edith," he held her close to his strong warm body, "Thank you for making every last one of my dreams come true and just for that I love you more than I ever realised was possible,"

"It's an absolute privilege, my love," she whispered, "I think that we will have our hands full for the next few years."

"Well, with you by my side I could not ask for more; raising an heir, well two in our case, will be the most fulfilling experience of both our lives."

The twins slept as Edith nestled into her husband's embrace.

"I can't believe I am finally a mother to the children of the only man I can ever love; I think Maud would be so pleased for you my darling,"

"I think she sent you to me, my darling. In fact I truly believe that,"

"So do I," Edith said, "She might be cross you waited so long but I am sure she would be glad there is someone else who loves you,"

OO

Anthony recalled the morning of his & Edith's wedding. He had slept poorly that night; his own sense of inadequacy as well as his lukewarm reception by Edith's family pressing on his mind like a ton of weight. He had thought more than once about calling the wedding off. How could he even contemplate taking another wife; a sweet lovely young woman who would end up his nursemaid probably sooner rather than later? How could he expect her to dress him and do the things he could not manage left-handed?

He was suddenly aware of his bedchamber, for he had not yet arisen to be bathed and dressed, filling with a cold bright light; from which he shielded his eyes with his good hand. His breath caught in his throat as he caught sight of Maud with their son in her arms. He heard her voice clearly; its sweetness caressing the dark and most tormented recesses of his mind.

"_Anthony darling," _she had said, "_It's really time to let us go. Lady Edith Crawley is a sweet, beautiful woman with a strong resilient spirit but she needs you much more than you will ever need her. She will give you an heir; which I could not. Forget what her family think of you because you have more honour than ever they will. It is your chance to be a more than adequate husband. I know you love her and she loves you; in fact she is hopelessly in love with you and I know that because of the way I felt about you. She will never love another man while you draw breath. Don't worry about your arm because it does not trouble her. I set you free to love her, Anthony darling, and you have my blessing. If you ever choose to tell her about the night we died then you will find the emotional courage; you cannot allow your love for me to hold you back because you need each other. She has never resented me or been jealous of what we shared; not that she knows much about it. Hold her close to your heart, Anthony. Let her learn to make love to and care for you because you must trust me when I say you need her company as much as she needs yours."_

Then she had gone and for a brief moment he caught a whiff of her scent in the air but her words were implanted in his mind and at that point he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he _would _be marrying Lady Edith that day and to hell with her family's views of him. She was old enough to make that decision for herself and old enough to consent; he at least treated her as an adult.

Sir Anthony knew that he would never tell anyone about that wedding day encounter because it was the last loving words from a dead woman to the man who loved her. The words had been words only she had really had the right to say to him and only he had the right and need to hear.

OO

Edith fell asleep in Anthony's arms; worn out after giving birth.

Around dawn little Maud awoke her by crying. Edith gently extricated herself from her husband and got up. She placed the child at her breast and fed her. Anthony did not stir until James began crying about twenty minutes later and by this time Maud was fed and almost back to sleep. Anthony allowed Edith to hand his daughter over while she fed James.

Anthony held his little daughter and cuddled her.

"She is so beautiful," he murmured, "just like her mother,"

Edith held James.

"I hope this sweet little boy grows up to be even half as gorgeous as his father,"

OO

Anthony spent time with his children while Edith bathed; she was still a bit sweaty from the night before but she emerged clean and fresh to find Anthony comforting James, who was crying.

"Come on my darling," Anthony cooed at his son, "You are my only and dear son; I waited many years for you and I know you will grow up worthy of your inheritance. You will have no reason to ever be unhappy because your mother and I love you, and each other, with all our hearts."

Tears filled Edith's eyes as she heard Anthony speak to their son. His twin sister slept peacefully.

"Oh Anthony darling," Edith drew Anthony close to her and cuddled them both. Eventually James stopped crying and Anthony laid him in the Moses basket beside his sister.

Anthony sat on the bed.

"I was thinking; I would like Dr Clarkson to be one of James' godparents. He may not have been able to save my first son but he has safely delivered my second,"

"That would be nice," Edith said.

"And I thought Matthew and Isobel too; also Johnson, Mrs Gray and Lady Mary for little Maud,"

"Sounds like you have thought of everything," Edith pressed close to him.

"Let's go and have breakfast," Anthony said.

"Yes please," Edith said, "I never realised how hungry I would feel the morning after giving birth to twins,"

They went downstairs after delivering the children to the nursery; they had hired a nursemaid and she was waiting for them. Although neither Edith nor Anthony was Catholic the nursemaid who had appealed most when they had interviewed was a nun from a convent near Ripon. Sister Mary Magdalena. She was a few years older than Edith.

"Better not tell Granny we have a nun looking after the twins," Edith said, "She will accuse us of heresy or worse,"

"Good morning Sister," Anthony smiled.

"Good morning Sir Anthony, Lady Strallan, My word you have a fine pair of beautiful babies there,"

"The second was a surprise to say the least," Edith smiled.

"They will be fine, run along with you both now and have your breakfast,"

Edith & Anthony had breakfast; Edith was ravenous.

"Good morning Johnson," Edith smiled.

"Good morning Lady Strallan; I trust the babies are well?"

"They are fine, Johnson."

"We are all delighted, Lady Strallan," Johnson said, "An heir is long overdue,"

"I'll second that," Anthony said,

"Johnson, how would you like to be our daughter's godfather?" Edith asked, delicately spreading blackcurrant jam on her toast

"I would be deeply honoured, Lady Strallan," Johnson smiled; he had always known both his master and mistress appreciated him but to be asked to be a godfather was an honour of which he had never dreamt.

After breakfast Edith informed Johnson that Dr Clarkson was scheduled to visit at some stage that morning.

She and Anthony went to relax in the library; knowing their twins to be in good hands.


	15. Chapter 15 Happily ever after

**Chapter 15**

Johnson came in to announce Dr Clarkson's arrival.

"Show him in," Edith said.

Dr Clarkson walked into the room.

"Good morning Lady Strallan, how are you?"

"A bit tired and a little sore but other than that I have honestly never felt better,"

"And the twins?"

"Fine; feeding okay and they seem happy enough,"

Dr Clarkson followed Edith to the nursery where she introduced him to Sister Mary.

Clarkson examined the twins who seemed well enough. He gave them a clean bill of health.

"If breast feeding isn't convenient to you, Lady Strallan you can try diluted cow's milk in bottles but you will need to sure they are sterilised. I am sure that Sister Mary Magdalena here knows what to do?"

"i certainly do, Doctor," Sister Mary smiled, "My convent was attached to a home for unmarried mothers and we used to help look after the infants. Most of them were due to be adopted so the natural mothers were discouraged from feeding them,"

They left Sister Mary to it and went back downstairs.

"Well, how are our babies?" Anthony asked.

"They are fine, Sir Anthony," Clarkson replied.

"Would you consider being James' godfather?" Anthony asked.

"I would be honoured," Clarkson smiled.

OO

That afternoon Cora, Violet and Mary came to visit for afternoon tea. It looked very much like they had been shopping. They had brought baby blankets, toys, clothes and some baby milk formula,"

"How much do we owe you, Lady Grantham?" Anthony asked.

Violet waved her hand, "Nothing Sir Anthony; just consider them gifts."

"Thank you," he smiled.

They went up to the nursery; Edith glad that Sister Mary was not wearing a habit. She favoured plain dresses and Edith had warned her about Violet's anti-Catholic prejudices so they agreed she would be known as Sister Mary. Sister was a title also used by trained nurses after all.

Anthony handed James to Cora and Maud to Lady Mary.

They cuddled the babies.

"I know he's young yet," said Cora of James, "but I think he looks like his father," She handed James to Violet who was seated. The stairs had knocked it out of her a bit even with her stick and the assistance of Anthony's arm.

Edith turned to her sister who was holding her niece.

"Mary, would you do us the honour of being one of Maud's godmothers? We are going to ask our housekeeper, Mrs Gray, to be the other as she was devastated when Anthony's first wife and heir died,"

"I would like that, thank you," Mary actually smiled.

"What about James?" Cora asked.

"We have asked our butler, Johnson, and Dr Clarkson to be godfathers," Anthony replied." Since they were both here that night,"

The sad look that flitted across Anthony's face at that moment let them know the night he referred to,

"We will ask cousin Isobel to be James's godmother," Edith continued.

OO

**Four months later**

On the morning of the twins' christening Edith and Anthony were up with the lark. They had breakfasted and were enjoying a quiet moment alone together; after Edith had checked with the servants that everything was under way for the christening party that was to take place at Locksley later that day.

Anthony held Edith in his arms. They had recently resumed marital pleasures and Edith smiled as his fingers traced the length of her spine. His mouth claimed hers with unprecedented passion and pretty soon they were trembling in each other's arms. Edith's mouthed caressed his and they became lost as they melted into each other.

"I love you, Lady Edith Strallan," he whispered into her coppery hair.

"I rather love you too, Sir Anthony Strallan" she breathed, well aware of the heat of his kiss, "Our beautiful babies are living proof of our love,"

"I could not ask for better proof," he whispered back.

OO

Sister Mary sent word that the twins were ready so Edith and Anthony ascended to the nursery. The babies were attired in white christening gowns; James' had blue ribbon and little Maud's pink. Although the twins were of different sexes they still bore remarkable physical similarities; both had blonde hair and blue eyes like their father.

Anthony's chauffeur drove the family to Downton church; they were to attend the morning service into which the christening service was to be integrated.

The twins were extremely good during the service; even the singing of hymns did not disturb them.

Travis invited the christening party to approach the font; into which he poured the Holy Water.

They went through the godparent-related formalities before Edith handed James across to Travis.

"James Anthony Strallan, I baptise you in the name of God the father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost," Travis made the sign of the cross and gently splashed James with water which made him cry.

"It's perfectly normal," Travis reassured, "if I remember rightly Lady Strallan howled the place down."

"I remember," Violet said, "We had to bribe her with crumbs of sweet biscuits,"

"And there was me thinking you had always been a quiet good girl," Anthony smiled.

Travis handed James back to his mother who cuddled and soothed him back to sleep.

Anthony handed Maud over and the little girl behaved perfectly throughout, not even crying when she was splashed.

"Maud Elizabeth Strallan, I baptise you in the name of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost,"

OO

It was a warm day in early summer so the christening party posed for photographs outside the church. Edith knew that she would remember this day for ever and not just because her husband was so proud and so happy.

The Christening party was lively and happy but at last the guests began to fall away; getting increasingly tipsy as the wine flowed. When the last had departed Sister Mary came to take the twins to bed.

Edith knew that she had never felt happier; at last she had her beloved Anthony and he had his much wanted heirs to love.

Sir Anthony Strallan was blissfully content. He was finally a father to twins he adored, he had his beautiful loving wife, and he was at peace with both his Great War experience and the most painful night of his past. Indeed he thought, as he lifted his wife in his arms to carry her to bed, things had never been, and indeed could never get, any better for him.

**A/N: Thank you for reading to the end and for your lovely reviews.**


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